Topic: Content.
So midterms finally came back - and while I didn’t do perfectly, I’m pretty pleased with the results. I spent a lot of time on Art History; I wasn’t too sure what it’d be like since I’d never taken this subject before, so I pored over the slides and readings for hours on end. I was so paranoid that I even compiled a 20+pages study guide. In the end all that hard work paid off; I did well on the multiple choice section and surprisingly better than expected on the two short essays (I thought I’d bombed it because I didn’t write as well as per my usual standards). Now I’m feeling a lot more confident about my classes - although I’m trying not to let that affect me too much. I don’t want to let up my guard yet.
Anyways. So I finally decided not to wear my wig anymore. Part of the reason behind this was because it’d started to tangle really badly. I also felt like an imposter - I know I looked more attractive in it, but like I said before, I felt guilty that I was getting attention from borrowed beauty. Even so, I was slightly upset by the fact that most guys would be nicer to me (i.e. as in they would open doors, etc.) when they saw me in the wig, but not quite so without it. I guess conventional beauty still matters.
But it was funny receiving compliments from various people about my new “hairstyle.” Many of them asked me where I’d gotten it cut - I didn’t quite know how to respond to this, so I came clean and just told them I had chemo. I should have injected a little humor into it though and told them it was the most expensive hair cut I’d ever received - a half million dollar hairstyle, complimentary at the oncology center at Stanford’s Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital. I bet lots of people would be signing up for it if they’d known.
I also think I confused my political science class with my “hair” - I came without the wig one day, but the following weeks afterward I had “hair” again. And now I’m without the “hair” again. However, I don’t think most of them have realized that I’ve gone through chemo. Apparently one of my classmates thinks it’s cool that I can switch hairstyles whenever I want to. Hahahahaha.
But yeah. I’m a lot more reclusive this year. I thought I’d come back wild and crazy and bouncing off the walls, but nah. That hasn’t happened yet. I’m just slowly easing myself back into normal society again. I’m not in such a big hurry anymore. I just want to savor each moment I’m alive, and just take it easy for a while before I decide what my next big move is going to be. I’m still hesitant - I feel like this is a trial period, and there’s no guarantee that I’ll be fine forever. This may also account for while I haven’t jumped back into Williams’ social scene - I don’t want to become attached and later find out that all is not going as well as it seemed.
This new approach to life does give me more time to study though. Although lately, during my free time, I’ve been watching a lot of movies. Now I understand why my mom loved watching movies last year. I just couldn’t appreciate it back then because I was in too much pain to focus. Watching movies is very meditative…I like the fact that there’s not too much thought involved. It’s nice to escape into another world and not have to think too much about your own. I’d like to breathe every now and then.
Speaking of which, my aunt sent me a care package! I was so excited because she sent me these two lovely earmuffs and an Indian cookbook, among other goodies! They’re so warm, not to mention cute - I actually can’t wait for colder weather to arrive so that way I have an excuse to wear them more often. My mom has also been sending me various packages - many of them containing fruit! I miss having exotic fruits year-round here; the season and variety is so much more limited. I especially miss having bok choy - I haven’t been able to find it locally, although I did get some during my shopping spree at Trader Joe’s in Boston last week. (it was HILARIOUS. My poor friends had to help me lug these HEAVY bags loaded with food around Boston.)
But Miriam is coming from Boston to visit me during Thanksgiving break next week - which I’m super excited about because we’ll have so much more time to explore the Purple Bubble AND not have to study as much (although I’ll still need to study at some point during the break…*sigh*) AND be able to sleep in as late as I want to. I’m also dreading the end of Thanksgiving break because it’d mean that finals will be starting soon again…
HOWEVER. I still have some time right now. I’m going to put this weekend to good use!
