Topic: Home?
So I’m back in Cali, which is surprisingly…cold. Despite having survived 15 degree weather in Williamstown, I still think 50 degree in norcal is cold. How weird is that? I thought that I’d be able to walk around in just a tank top and flip flops like usual, but I’m still in the same winter garb I wore in Williamstown. I definitely was not a Spartan in any one of my past lives.
Anyways, I’m feeling incredibly relaxed right now; a total 360 from what I was feeling two days ago. My mom and little sister picked me up from Williams after I finished finals and we stayed in Boston for two nights before leaving for SF, but even with my family around me, I couldn’t shake off my fears. I felt even more worried (and guilty) than usual because I hadn’t been keeping up with my regular health habits, and I was afraid that it’d affect the results of my scans.
Thankfully I only had to take two scans this time: a PET/CT and a (higher resolution) CT. However in the future, I’ll most likely only have to take the PET/CT because imaging technology has improved and the PET/CT’s CT will have a much better resolution than it is now. My scans were scheduled on the 21st (CT) and the 22nd (PET/CT), and the clinic visit was immediately after the PET/CT scan. I didn’t have to wait too long for results; although I’d expected to wait at least 24 hours before receiving news, I only had to wait 4 hours before finding out during the clinic visit - thank goodness! I don’t think I’d have been able to bear the suspense. An hour was just plain torture. It still feel so strange and so scary, not being able to decide; it’s really like having the Fates decide your life with a snip of their scissors.
But being told that I’d passed the scans was seriously the best Christmas gift ever. I mean, how are you going to enjoy your Christmas gifts, nonetheless Christmas & life itself, if you know that it’s going to be your last? Knowing that I’ll have at least another 3 months is just too exciting! I’d started to get lost amidst finals, but now that they’re over and done with, I feel like I’m starting to get a grip on myself again. I’m not going to get as stressed as I was the last 2 weeks because it really just isn’t worth it and because…well I don’t really need to. I have bigger fish to fry, and finals really are and should be the least of my worries.
Coming back was slightly odd. Mostly because I don’t know where “home” is anymore. I consider myself a Cali girl - I live/lived in both socal and norcal. But Williams is also home. So am I really going back home? Not really. Nonetheless, it’s nice to be back. I missed being able to shop in a large mall, being able to eat good Asian food, and seeing my family. I was not so excited to see the hospital again (as expected), but now that part is over with, I’m not going to think about that anymore.
So, what exactly have I done since coming back from break? Visited the hospital (no duh), ate, shopped, read, made jewelry, and watched movies. Not much, but it’s break and I’m really relishing my freedom right now. My mom has finally stopped assigning me homework during breaks! (From the time I was 6 to 18, she made me prepare for the SAT/my courses/etc. with extra essays, assignments, and/or workbooks.)
I’ve also been taking advantage of the fact that I am now at last in close proximity to an Anthropologie store. I visited the one in Boston last week, but I also visited the one at Blackhawk yesterday. (Shopping alert: if you adore Anthropologie like I do, stop by one because they’re offering an additional 25% off…which is UNHEARD of. This is the first time I’ve seen Anthropologie offer a sale, so the fact that they’re offering one is sort of blowing my mind.) I picked up several cardigans, some pants, and a pair of jeans. Luckily for me, the petite sized pants+jeans had a bigger sale…I suppose being ”fun-sized” (as my sister/friend Jade likes to describe it) can be somewhat of an advantage when shopping.
Which brings up the question of, why do I like shopping? Besides the obvious answer - that I like beautiful things - part of the thrill also derives from the fact that I like seeing what I buy with an X amount of money. Sales are really quite fun, because then I’m challenged to find the best bargain (price and aesthetics-wise). Shopping is also a lot like being an artist; what you wear, how you wear your clothes presents a certain image to the world. So I like “creating” clothing ensembles that show a certain character of my personality that are also flattering on me.
I know it sounds shallow when I say that appearances matter, but as Wilde said: “We live in a world of appearances.” If you look at American culture, or almost any other culture, we’re obsessed with being beautiful. I think most people would like to deny that looks are important to them, but in truth, I doubt many can say that it isn’t. I guess it’s wired in us - we think that what’s beautiful is good for us (although on the contrary, it often isn’t). Plus, most of us don’t have the time to really know others; what we mostly know of them are made during first impressions(I belive that social psych can back me up - I know I’ve read this somewhere). However, I’m not saying that I advocate the importance of appearance (I hope I haven’t given the impression that I do as I actually don’t); but I’m merely pointing out how it’s become an important facet in society. I could also get a lot more preachy about this subject, but I don’t feel like this is something worth arguing over (although it really is fun to discuss).
Anyways.
We watched a French romantic comedy yesterday: Prete-Moi Ta Main/ I Do - How to Get Married and Stay Single. My mom and I exhausted the entire American romantic-comedy genre last year, so I guess now we’ve moved on to foreign films. (No, I don’t watch only chick flicks. I only watched chick flicks last year because the last thing I wanted to watch was people dying. And because I really wanted a happy ending, since I wasn’t so sure of mine.) Sometimes, I really just prefer foreign films. I see less and less content in Hollywood movies; they don’t make you think, they only make you feel. Sometimes when I want to escape, Hollywood movies are perfect because then I get caught up in all that intrigue, drama, and action. But often, I wish there was more depth to it, especially with the romantic comedy genre. It’s cliched, there’s nothing new - it’s the classic girl meets boy/boy meets girl…but with more sex than necessary. I’m not saying that there shouldn’t be sexual tension; but do they really need to insert something crude every 10 minutes? Sex sells, blah blah blah. But really, it does get boring. And I worry for those people who are inspired by those movies…
Which is why I find Millionaire Matchmaker alarming, if not also amusing to watch. For those who haven’t seen it, it’s basically what the title suggests: a reality show in which a matchmaker sets up a millionaire with hot girls (or a female millionaire with suitable guys). I’m not sure if I find it offensive that all the girls expect to be wined, dined, and blown away by the lavishness of the first date…and when they aren’t given that, they complain and have tantrums. I thought first dates were supposed to be more casual and low-key??? Maybe because they’re millionaires on that show, they’re given a different standard…but still. And I guess the girls are more materialistic, since they all want to marry a millionaire…but their expectations and behavior bother me nonetheless. It’s a guilty pleasure to watch (and judge), but the lessons that the show imparts truly worries me.
That said, I think I’ve done enough blogging for today. I haven’t eaten breakfast anyways.
